Mimi Tanner's Blog: Married, Single, Divorced, Widowed - What???

You're filling out a job application, or it's your first visit to a doctor, and you're handed the usual forms.

The trouble is, they all ask you to describe your marital status!

Here are the choices: ?Married, Single, Divorced, or Widowed.

What??

So, if you've been divorced, you can't check the Single box?

If you're widowed, hey, thanks for reducing this life tragedy to a check box on a piece of paper!!

One day, that question will join the ranks of the "not allowed" questions on forms!

They really leave off a lot of possibilities, too.

They should have a check box for:

* Married but planning my escape!

* Single, but secretly seeing a married person.

* Single, and until they pass gay marriage in my state, single, but really married.

* Divorced - YEARS ago. ?Why do I still get dealt the "divorced" card?? ?Please!! ?We need a statute of limitations here.

I'm sure you can think of some other possibilities!!

I read a newsletter that proclaimed, "Don't take relationship advice from someone who is not in a committed relationship!!!"

The person who wrote that is very young, but I have heard this from people who are old enough to know better!

Well, I'm single at this writing, and I give relationship advice. A lot of people have found wonderful committed relationships, marriages, and love because of reading my emails and books.

My current single relationship status has no bearing on my IQ, except possibly to improve it.

Oh, wait a minute, I'm not single. Not according to those forms. ?I'm supposed to check the "divorced" box, officially. ?Wow, that sounds so contentious and negative; it's like being branded! ? Whatever the answer, it's a damned nosy question that has absolutely no purpose - except for giving numbers-crunchers fodder for statistics, like the ones that say, "Of the marital status categories, married men are the happiest, and married women are the least happy." ?I love that one...

I'm not in love right now, but I do expect to fall in love again and get married. I'm sure when that happens, I'll mention it and even share a photo. But I don't plan to report every detail to the whole world to prove something. ?Good advice and information stands on its own.

Contrary to what some people think, you don't prove your worth by being in a relationship all the time.

Check the census and welcome to the new century: ?lots of people live on their own... and it's far from tragic! ?The?unhappily married people envy those who are free and single more than anyone because they know what they've got!

I see a lot of women who just want to grab on to any guy because they can't imagine life on their own.

Then I see other women who will welcome love when one special person becomes a part of their world. ?These women write me often: they know what love is and what it isn't, and they don't need to settle just so they have their "man badge" or their "Mrs. Degree" to prove to some outsider that they're desirable or loving. ?

Usually, they already GOT their Mrs. degree AND the T-shirt at least once before, when it was so ultra-important to get married before they turned 30.

If they marry again (and get the masters Mrs. degree?) they want to know that the T-shirt will fit and survive years of washings. ?They're really not freaking out about being single to please other people's ideas of what makes them acceptable!

It's understandable when people who are really young think this way.... in due time they too will learn about the?complexities of life (and of making and voicing negative judgments about people).

It's much better to go down your life path without striving to "find someone" just for the sake of being part of a couple.

I hear from women who are concerned about getting married because of their biological clock. ?But we really can't force marriage, even if we'd like it. ?Marriage for that reason would not really be marriage for the love of a particular person. ?

I believe in love. ?But love is highly personal. ?It's a lot more than "Married, Single, Divorced, or Widowed"!

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